Human beings
are shaped by culture and tradition. No matter how much you protest against the
tradition that a person finds it insignificant, he/she carries out the same. Nevertheless,
no culture is superior! Every culture and tradition has their own good and evil
factors. Therefore, it should be confirmed in the light of the faith praxis. Well,
you may find different approach towards the engagement. However, I would limit
myself in the biblical pattern as far as possible. Indeed there is no such
detail about the engagement in the Bible. Nevertheless the New Testament begins
with the context of Joseph and Mary’s engagement. I have no intention to elaborate more about
the biblical illustration rather I would try to pen down some of the vital
issues that we have to undertake about the marriage and Engagement. However, I
would not be a right person to write about marriage, but, of course, I have
enough rights to note down about the ‘engagement,’ after all I am engaged with
Thiru whom I love so much.
Engagement is a
vow between a girl and a boy that they would get marry after some days. It’s a tradition
of the church to give some brake for girl and boy, in case there are some
illegitimate relationships of either party in prior dates which may have enough
reasons to obstruct the wedding, provided adequate evidences. If so, the vow
would be shrunken under mutual understanding. That’s all I understand.
What is the
role of finances in engagement and wedding? I read few years back in one of the
column of NBCBS bulletin where author displays his experiences of the West. The
western youngsters hesitate to get engaged in the church tradition and get
their wedding done in the church due to the height of the expenses that the
church tradition has laid out. Therefore, they tend to move away from the
church and get married beyond the church. This may not be the absolute fact for
the young people to move away from the church in the West. However, it is a
part of the reasons that really gives us enough room to think and articulate
our approach towards the engagement and wedding.
The most
distressing part is that we Christians do not understand the fact that the
money we spend, does not really belong to us. In fact we are just a care taker only
that God has granted us to be.
Before I
attempt to elaborate more, it would be worth suggesting to young people, to
read the “This Momentary Marriage,” written by John Piper. This is a classic
book written by Piper which should be read by all young people, who are in
verge of marriage. I would begin by Bonhoeffer’s[1]
note that he wrote a month after his imprisonment and two years before his
death from the military section of the prison at Tegel, Berlin, “A Wedding
Sermon from a Prison Cell.” He choose the text Ephesians 1; 12.
Marriage
is more than your love for each other. . . . In your love you see only the
heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed at a post of
responsibility towards the world and mankind. Your love is your own private
possession, but marriage is more than something personal—it is a status, and
office. Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes
the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that
joins you together in the sight of God and man.
Well, Piper
starts with two points that he keeps it in the zenith of his discussion. i.e.
a. Marriage is doing of God; b. Marriage is display of God. It is
God himself who decrees that Man’s solitude is not really a good. Therefore, it
is God himself who sets out to complete the man’s loneliness and created a
central design of creation, man and women in marriage. That’s all.
My intention of
portraying all these is to disclose the central idea of the marriage which we
young people have to understand. How the
church has interpreted this easy and holy factor of the marriage? Someone said
that God makes things easy but it is Christians that make the easy things
complicate. I do not know how far it is true. You can contemplate over
this.
Coming to the
idea of Engagement and Wedding, there are few things that we all have to ponder
about.
- The trend of high-expenses
- The trend of dowry
- The trend of show up
I have never
understood (and perhaps will never) why we still have been wronged with the issue
that is troubling our society. Some people debate that the cultural factor
compels them to uphold some of the traditions. If that is the argument then
where is our faith which is white and Chrystal! Therefore, we are not enslaved
of the tradition rather we should be an adherent of the faith, without
violating the tradition. For sure that a tradition can be observed and
articulated in the light of the changing society. You might be surprised to
know that the highest divorce rate in India is found in Kerala which is also
known as God’s own country, having maximum percentage of Christians. Friends!
Think for a moment. I was invited in a wedding few months back in India. To my
surprise the cost of the wedding tent itself was more than 2 lakhs (IC). Think
about the wedding expenses! He is pasturing a church in one of the metro cities
in India. There are thousands of people on the road who are dying without
getting a morsel of rice. Here we murmur that we did not a get a piece of
Mutton. I wonder what Christ would have thought when we eat mutton piece, while
there are people who do not have privilege for lodging and fooding. In Nepal,
there should be Khasi ko Masu (mutton) in the wedding, if not marriage
is unsuccessful. This is the tragedy of Christian leaders that we never think
of others! What would be future road of our leader? If you possess all this
customs which, in fact doesn’t have any biblical support rather we have hired
from others. However, I do not intend to generalize it, There are leaders and
churches which has displayed their integrity. Thumbs up for those leaders who
stand with the people!
Where do we
show our identity? If we do not make any differences in the world, then where do
we preach our Christianity? Christianity is not a pulpit preaching only; rather
it should be projected through our life and tradition. What I meant by saying
all these is to display clear thought over the wedding and engagement. Marriage
and engagement is something that is very personal between girl and boy. Therefore,
it should be done in such a way that would provide an apparent and easy road
map to the upcoming generation. Remember that someone would be in the verge of
marriage after you. Church is a mixture of different cultures, traditions and
standards, and in midst of all these realities we are called to be one family,
sharing our life each other. You might be having plenty that you can invest in
your wedding. But think about others! The next one would be waiting at doorstep
and who is in verge of the marriage but may not have all possibilities like you
have and struggles to arrange the wedding dress. How would then, they conduct
their wedding if the church does not bother over these realities! This is my
humble request that low budget of wedding does not harm our identity! We are
who we are! People know us very much that we do not need to add extra flavor to
highlight it. Do not spoil the tea by adding an extra sugar.
[1] Dietrich Bonhoeffer got engaged to be married to Maria
when he was hanged at down on 9th April, 1945, at the age of
thirty-nine. He had been opposed to Nazism and finally was arrested in 1943,
for his involvement in a conspiracy to assassinate Adolf Hitler. Therefore he
never married but skipped the shadow on the way to the reality.
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